Sleepless Nights

Take One And Go To Bed.

Or Do What I Always Do, Ignore The Box, Take 6, And Get Waken Up With Your Bowls Screaming Bloody Murder Around 2AM. I know I said I'd stop abusing them.. I know its horrid for my system.. Blah Blah Blah.. I know. 

I'm guessing you wouldn't except the good ol' excuse "Mia Made Me Do It" would you? Okay, No, She Didn't. That dirty little whore simply whispered in my ear, "You Do Know There Is Ten Left.." She didn't have to be any more then vague. I Knew Just What She Ment. In my defence, I haven't used in two, maybe three months. 

And she only spoke up when the scale read 120.2 after Halloween binging. Six Little Blue Pills Later, It Reads A Number I'm Content With, 117.2. I know its less. I'm carrying all the retained water from the pills and the 1L bottled water I drank before bed. 

I promised I would never reach the 120s, ever again. I thought I'd be okay with it though. I mean, I was still living off my high of shopping, from which I bought a whole new wardrobe, All Girls Clothes. And To Be Honest I Felt Comfortable In My Skin. Until that damn number threw me in to a hyperventing panic. 

I did so well today, besides the OD of pills.. I would have been at 712 for the day, but from feeling good I figured one little 100 cal yogurt snack won't hurt. I did my at home work-out as well, just in case it really would hurt. 

I'll try and head back to bed now though, Was Just Staying Up Encase The Pills Began To Scream Again. They haven't, So I Think Its Safe Now. Cross Your Fingers For Me Please, I only wish to wake up lighter.. 116's back at least. It's only .2 away. I Know I', There. I Just Have To Be.

*Note* As stated up there ^ Yes, I Did Go Shopping, And Well I'd Have To Say, I Make The Cutest Girl, hehe. I'll Post Some Photos Tomorrow, Late, Of What I Bought Etc. 

I Know I'm Not Second Guessing My Self, Yet, I Just Hope I've Really Decided, I Just .. I Hope I'm Not Merly Playing Dress Up.