Just going to come out and say it.
...
No,I am not proud. But it felt so good. I really can't say what brought this on, but I can say for sure that last night was one long night. I craved my blade more then ever last night, and I tossed and turned for hours because of it. I simply itched to slide it across my hip bone like so many times before. Just enough to see the blood bead up and dip. Just enough to feel that release. Just enough so I can hide it, and as with all my others, let it heal so no one would know. I still want it. I am digging my nails in to my palms to clam myself down, but my heart is racing. I'm not sure this is the Alice that Jason signed up for. I'm not sure he'd like me this way, when my medication makes me crazy, when my hips are cut to shreds, my throat raw and acid is the only thing in my stomach. This is the Alice that haunted me for the past few years. This is the Alice I'm trying to run from. She's come to say hello it seems, come to scare away my new friend.
Just when I thought I could feel happy and safe in some ones arms, She will make him turn around and run from me.
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