Not sure whats going on, but I want to move out, on my own. Have my space. Have some space. Be more then an arms reach away. Be alone once and a while.
I have this strained feeling with my relationship I have for a while now. I'd like to say we argue often, but we don't because I'd snap at him, and he would say sorry and that would be the end of it. Oddly enough, that makes me more frustrated. Why can't I stir anything in him, I'd rather he snapped back, I'd rather he raised his voice and let something out. Something besides an apology.
Sure, we don't fight per say. But we don't make love often any more or at all. I dunno, it's like routine foreplay, and I've gotta fake it. If I don't it keeps going.. I just want it to stop, or not happen at all. Is it wrong for me to feel tied down like this, for me to feel roped in to him and no choice but to stay here.
I'm far too young to act mature, I was forced to grow up early and now I want to play. I know how that makes me sound.. But don't get me wrong! I'm not going to be doing anything stupid I've got bills to pay, and a job to go to, even a gym membership. I'm an adult and I act like it when it's nessary. But, I crave laying in the park, getting grass stains, and being up all night with a friend.
He isn't on the same level, I'm not sure the same ball park. He says he'll "play" with me, but he won't, he doesn't, he is too old for me, there isn't the connect anymore..
It feels one sided..
I just want love. Why isn't it that easy?
No comments:
Post a Comment