Far Too Long Since A Little Posting One On One.
On Monday, I started as planned, my meal program. The meals where different from my norm, and included ingredients I never had allowed my self in the past for either being, too high calorie wise, or the fat content. But I made and enjoyed eat meal. I did however have a tad of a slip up last night.. I realise I had completely (unintentionally) set myself up for it all. But long story short, my old habits left me in the staff washroom. Thank god I've always been quiet. But I admited my mistakes, and am doing much better today. If not for my team enivision friends, [@ Dorika, Clickforsound, Taintedthrills, Tdsp,and Livingwithdemon] and yannic, I'd have continued my behavior once I got home and been a teary fat failure. That however I am not. Iam starting to lose my hipbones, and my legs gap. Which saddens me a tad.. But I know my body is just getting use to the amount I'm eating and will start to adjust soon. I'm at my 120 mark again. I know this is also from the amount I'm eating. But instead of the sugary mess I had my body running on, its getting the 30 30 40 of carbs fat and protein that it needs. I'm learning to listen to what it needs, and to respond in a positive and timely manner. I'm doing really well. I've even got an appointment at the mental heath clinic on Dec 31st in the afternoon. Its going to be a sit down, from which she'll help me find the help I need thats best suited for me and where I am in my recovery.
Out side of food related things, I'm still behind in schooling (ho hum) But I'm still finding time to push out a paper or two. thats when I'm not drown in work.. I've been up'd to 30 hour weeks, and it looks like I'll be working even more soon.. Ah well, need the money thats for sure. Done my Xmas shopping, thank goodness. Still feel I need to get my mum some more things.. I just don't have the money.. Its either being spent on my program, or food for my program.. Its silly. But like I said in a post a while back, I've wasted tons and tons on binging and purging in the past, so all this money is being used for the better. I've started to talk to an old friend again, but after the first impacting shock, I'm trying my best to steer clear of it all. I know it will be more triggering then help in the end. No matter how much support he can offer me right now, truth is, he'll only do damage. alot more then I'm able to handle. I'm still doing my plan with @Danae, and to be honest I missed talking books with someone! I'm up to chapter 3, only cause of yesterdays slip, but chapter four will be done tonight, (can't wait till your on to talk about the ceremony! we should bet on who will survive! hehe)
I've come to a good place in my life right now. Its filled with hectic long hours at work, and stressful shopping. But Every Day I'm Getting Up, I'm Facing My Fears, And I'm Smiling, Cause Life Is So Much More Then I Ever Thought It Was. And I'm proud to say I've got Yannic next to me to share it all with. I know I may not have much, Hell, I've Got Nothing. But that doesn't change a thing. What ever I do have, I share with my close friends and yannic, all of which I consider my family. I'm not sure where I'd be without you all. You've helped more then you realize. Thank you.
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