In The End

Its Always Been Up To Me.

I wanted nothing more then success, and the feeling of worth. Thats all. 

And now, I know I can find that feeling, at the end of my recovery.

It'll be worth every penny. 

I've been adding it all up, and over the past years I've wasted away

-- hundreds upon hundreds of dollars worth of food.

So this is no where close to what I've wasted on killing myself.

Its my Christmas gift to my self.

And I'm ready.

I've been asked what I'd do with all the ED related things I've collected from over the two year span that it was at its peak. I can assure you all book marked sites, blogs, and all documented plans have been deleted and destroyed. I'm still following less then a handful of you, those who I'd like to see updates from, just to be reassured your okay. Soon, I'll be destroying my intake journal, for it has too many bad memories attached to it. As for PT, I won't be an active member on the forums, but I'm keeping my account. If at any time PT becomes triggering, I'll say my good byes. The unity bracelet however, won't leave my wrist for the ED therapist visits, or my clinic drop ins. As I had explained to another who had asked, PT truly means the world to me. Its not some site that can be replaced in a blink of an eye. No, Its So Much More. Its a community, of support and understanding. To me, I had found family when no one else could understand what I was going through. They are there through every success, be it a fast complete, a purge rested, or a high mark on a test. Through every set back as well, from your late night binging, to a breakup or a bad day. Every victory is the communities victory, every set back, is the groups as well. Its a sense of belonging to such a large amount of individuals, of which are from all corners of earth, its knowing your not alone, no matter what, you have family. And the unity bracelet is a reminder that my community, my family, is there with me, supporting me. Wishing me the best in my steps to recovery.