"Everything will be okay"
please, try to say it with me...
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run
Its been a while, and so many things have happened. I'm not even sure I want to write any of it down.. As you might has noticed, I'm back to writing poetry. As that is an amazing leap forward, I find myself again, drowning my sadness with alcohol. Tonight when I said I was leaving for food, I ended up on an hour long walk.. that turned into a jog.. I found myself running to the liquor store. Six pack of beer and some sort of mickey.. I wanted vodka. I only know vodka. But vodka makes me craves the blade.. craves the blood and the pain. I know that too well. I got whiskey.
I'm moving out. Things have ended with Jason, and I'm moving out. I'm finding a place. I'm not doing so well holding myself together. I don't want to cause him pain, but hearing his sobs in the shower the other morning.. might have pushed me over the edge. I don't know what to do.. but i know being here hurts him. I have no friends in the city.. there isn't any where for me to go.. what should I do? Why can't I just please everyone.. keep everyone happy.. make them all smile and feel loved.. That's all I wish I could do.
My heart just has so much love. But all the love I give, ends up hurting people.
why can't I just love, and be happy..?
Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world's waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one
Everything will be okay, in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
ReplyDeleteYou gave me more love and affection then I have ever felt in my life. People say they love you and care for you but then hurt you countless times...you never did that cupcake, not once. You showed me real unconditional love. Any stste I.was in you were there for me, walking through the gloom by my side. Never have I met someone with such a big heart. You found a new love and or realized our love has dimished. Thats not your fault. When we were together in the begining I told you to be yourself...love who you wanna love....do what you wanna do. Yes it isn't easy. I have habbits, patterns, thoughts etc, just like everyone else. I'm proud of you for having the balls to do what you did. The woman I knew a year ago wouldn't dare foster the idea. If you hear any crying, sadness of any sort just know its the process of moving on. Theres lots I need to change in my life thar this break up has motivated me to do. I just wanted to say this because your a softie like me and I still care for you as a friend. I'm working through it and know.the choice you made was for the best. Hang in there grasshopper.
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