|The Evil That Drives My Fear|
Its All This Is ... allthiswilleverbe. But I Guess That Its Okay. Sooner Or Later I've Got To Get Somewhere. And Right Now, Moving Backwards Is Just What Must Be. I Inhale. Everything And I Wish To End It All. This Thinking Was Made tentimes Worse When The Doc Told Me I Needed Little White Happy Pills. I.Think.Not. Its not as bad as I'm making it sounds I guess. Its the binging that started to be out of control again. The little happy pills are making that hunger feeling worse, they make me feel faint and ill went its been more then two hours with out food. And once it all starts, there is no stopping it. I've been trying my hardest to control. And I wanted to try to stop purging. And so far its been two weeks with out a purge. Which Is Really Great. But then he has the nerve to say that I had control to stop my actions. No. No I Don't. Its A Disorder. I've Got Tendentious That Lead To Certain Actions. Would he rather me throwing up everything I eat? I would. But I'm trying to get better. And right now its the hardest thing to not run in the bathroom and stick my fingers now my through. So Just Back Off. You Dont Understand.
i feel the exact same way right now. I try as hard as i can but it always comes back. It is a disorder and you might always have to fight it. but remember you are strong for fighting it, even if it does get the better of you sometimes. stay strong. xo
ReplyDelete