To Be Honest

I'm so happy you've moved past this all, that your okay now. But I miss being able to confide in you.. I want to tell you whats on my mind and know that you understand completely. I makes me sad thinking it was the only thing that held us together.. We don't talk anymore and I just wish I crossed your mind.

You can't walk away. I know this. You know this. We are running around again and again with the same ending of exploding fights. Just tell me why this keeps happening? Its avoidable. And tears us both to ruin every time. When you walk away, just stop looking back. It's best.

I idolize you. Your tiny, smart, charming, cute, and punk. I wanted to be just like you, you were, and still are, so much more then me. I wish we were closer, the best of best friends. We have so much in common and are so alike, but are just so shy around each other that we arn't as close as we could be.. Just wish I could change that..

I'm not your equal. And feel I'll never be any time soon. Your so far ahead of me and I'm sprinting, attempting to catch up.. hearing about your parties and drunk'n adventures only makes me feel worse.. they make me worry and jealous.. I want to be able to be fun like you'd prefer, and have something to say worth conversation..

You know, if I could let you in, I would in a heart beat. I want to confide in you, let you know how I'm doing, and be able to ask for help when I need it. I'm not sure how I can do that.. I know it will have to be a huge emotional conversation if you ever did want to hear about my brains inner workings.. I'd tell you, not face to face.. But if you ever wanted to know.. I'd tell you. I'd never expect you to understand, but I'd do my best to explain.. I just don't want to dump it all on you if you'd rather I didn't..