And He:

- He Really Understands.

I'm so damn grateful to have you in my life, not for the things that you buy, or the truck you drive. But that your my best friend. And your trying your best to understand what I'm going through right now. I know I'm not the easiest to deal with, and it takes us an hour to find a restaurant, But Know That On one of those blue days, You Taking The Time To Look In To My Eyes, Just a slight smile, I know everything will be okay. And it will. You really have no idea how much you have helped me through some of the harder times, and that it means the world your sticking next to me. I love you. With everything I've got, and so much more. Your simply perfect for me, And I Wouldn't Change A Thing.

You And Me Vs The World.

What I Learned From LFD

Lately,

There Is So Much To Say, But I Lack The Ability To Grasp The Words.

Ever get that rainy day feeling? Better yet, do you ever get that rainy day feeling when its nothing but sun? Yeah, I do. Oh, random update! My finger nails turned completely blue yesterday while out for dinner. Didn't help were sitting out side at 6pm, nor that my intake was 150 including the salad I ordered. Heh, go me! -_-' ah well.. warmed up in the truck and tried my best to keep chipper. Which lately, seems like an impossible thing to do.. Bright side of things I'm two short assignments away from finishing my Family Study course! I did the naughty thing, and flipped a few pages ahead and saw that WELL DONE! YOU'VE COMPLETED THIS COURSE! page. Huzzah! was all I could muster. Another bright side, I asked yannic if I could use his card to get something online if I gave him the cash, cause pay-pal well, takes forever! He said it was just fine. And fancy that thing being the Unity Bracelet! oooo >< I cant wait! I figure thats all for now O.o Seems I'm getting better at the informative posts :P well lucky you!

Some Days-

Chuu..?

Are Made For Marathons Of Pokemon, And Bowls Of Popcorn.

This won't break your heart

But I just think it could
Cause I haven't tried as hard as I should

I'll keep your memory vague

So you won't feel bad about me

Where in the world have you gone now?

I hope your heart won't have to hurt anymore
Cause it's really not that sad from here

Now you've gone away

Don't worry it's ok

That you've gone away

Further than yesterday

Unity Is Here

Unity Bracelet

PrettyThin has been a website of support for thousands of individuals for many years. The members have asked for bracelets to unite them, and remind them of a community that they understand and that understands them. A website where they can be open and honest about who they are and how they feel, without the fear of being judged or looked down upon.

I have spent a lot of time working on a concept that has value, not in the material that constructs it, but in the idea behind it. As I started writing this section about the bracelets, I was confronted with

something that I often have difficulty with: putting definitions to anything on PrettyThin.

This site has always been about you - these bracelets are too. I did the easy part; the rest is up to you. Before you buy this bracelet, please reflect on what the bracelet means to you. Think about what this community means to you. A chapter in your life, a thread woven in your existence, a vibration that resonates through your soul. What is this community to you, and what does this bracelet reflect and remind you of when you wear it...

This bracelet embraces the unity of our thoughts, and combines the strengths of those who wear it. It is a reflection of the strength of the community, and the proceeds help maintain this community.

* The details about this bracelet:

The colors of this bracelet reflect two things. They are the color of the first edition, and will always be recognized as that. As a result, I will include a card with every Unity Bracelet, along with a number representing which bracelet it is in the series. The deep red color struck me as one that runs through our veins. I don't think that beauty is skin deep - our ideas of it run deep. This community shows that our struggles don't have to remain hidden within us - that we don't have to feel alone - that there is a place where we can express the hurricanes within us, and that place is PrettyThin. PrettyThin unites us through beauty.

The two beads also represent the first edition. In my mind, one represents you, and the other represents the community. Equal in size and color, you are the community, and the community is you. You are never beneath it or above it - at PrettyThin, we are all equal as beautiful beings.

But this is the material. What does the essence of it mean to you?

Re:

You See Breakfast, I See Numbers.

Maybe I Am. I'm Fully Aware Of It. And I'm Trying. So Back The Fuck Off. Cause I'm Trying. You Don't Even Understand How Hard This Is. You Couldn't Comprehend The Pain, Or The Fear. Its Not The Same As What You Feel. Its Completely Different. And Its Not Just Going To Go Away Cause I Wish It To. Its Going To Be The Longest, And Hardest Struggle Of My Life. So Once Again, Back The Fuck Off. I Can Only Take On One Day At A Time.

News Flash:

The Secret Is Out. Your Dying. 

Why.. Why Do I Put My Self Through This ?

Time after time. Its never changed. Never will either. 

Long story short, I was on day 6 of the well known, and forever sot after ABC Boot Camp. Went from 119.6 to a lovely 115.9 is a short span of those six days. And my heart started skipping beats. I was terrified. Sitting In Tim Horton's, Wide Eyed, Panicking. I couldn't be just another girl that slipped, that caved, that tossed in the towel before all 50 days were up. I got past the first week for crying out loud! for every 100 girls that attempt this, only 30 pass day five. Sure I could always move around the numbers, slowly work down the 900 calorie binged, but that's cheating. With this, Its Do Or Crumble. Woo..

Sunny Days, Sweeping The Clouds Away.

Head. Is. Pounding. 
Guilt Stricken, Raw. I'm wishing we were dancing. Wish it never stopped..

Death..

.. For The Whole World To See.

Will You Let Me Know? Cause I Can't Take It Anymore..

Do You Love Me?

What If I Wasn't Crazy?

Today?

It wasnt so bad after all. 

Dont get me wrong, I'm still terrified as all hell, but today. not so bad. I'm not sure things will start to look up, but  I dont see them getting any worse at the moment. I want to reach out, just to barely touch your arm, tell you with just a graze, that everything will really be okay. What right to I have, running around like a chicken with my head cut clean off? None. I have no right to worry you, any of you. And I'm so damn cross with my self that I have as of late. I feel it necessary, like I owe it to you, More Then A Simple Two Line Update. So here it is. The Inner Workings Of My Brain. I display them, to you, on the wall. Pop art of the 60's style. I'll start with the small, minor things, and work my way up to those most of you worry your selfs ragged over..

My mother and I? We really are getting along. No lies! I missed human interaction like this, you know.. Mother Daughter Love? Yeah.. That. I never thought that I would ever have parental love, but hearing my mother talk over lunch, about the past, her past. It sadens me greatly. More so, that I made all her hard work to keep us together fall so hard so fast. That I just wanted to waste that all and run away. Well I Did In The End.. But Thats Besides The Point.. 

Schooling Has Started To Finally Move Along. The doctor's appointment went well, and I was started on a trial dose of an ADD med. Its only been two days, but I can see the improvement. Just Crossing My Fingers It Lasts.. I hate being this so damn far behind.. I'm so freak'n stressed..  I had a nightmare the other night.. As Silly As It Sounds, It was about schooling sadly, My Course Load Was Twice The Amount And All My Teachers Were After Me.. It went on like that for a while, my stress was showing in my subconscious that I was more worried then I first thought..

Still No Job. And I Wish I Could Box My Ears For Being So Indecisive..

I've, with out warning, begun to SI again.. Wish I never did.. But I did, And That Is That.

The Purging Has Started Up Again, And All Those Tendencys Are Worse Then Ever.. I'd Rather Not Go Into Details..

I think thats everything covered.. If Not Leave A Comment And I'll Update.
Ah Blah.. I'm Going For A Walk..

Cant You See?..

..I'm Scared

2325kcal.

Drip, Drip, Drip. 

Its Been A While, But I've Gone Back. So Far Back I Don't Think I'll Be Home Any Time Soon. Shoe Lace In Place, Tooth Brush Close At Hand. I'm Terrified Of What I'm Capable Of. I just want it to end, to be here, now, and all numb. 

Arthur Theme Song

Everyday when you're walking down the street,
 everybody that you meet

Has an original point of view

And I say HEY! what a wonderful kind of day. 

Where you can learn to work and play 

And get along with each other

You got to listen to your heart

Listen to the beat 

Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street

Open up your eyes, open up your ears 

Get together and make things better by working together

It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

Believe in youself (echo: believe in yourself)

Well thats the place to start (to start)

And I say HEY! what a wonderful kind of day

Where you learn to work and play

And get along with each other

-Repeat Chorus-

Sing With Me..?

"And Now He Is Dear, And So Unsure, I Wonder Why I Didnt See It There Before.."

Hey :-)

I wanted to thank you personally for the donation that you made. It is from kindness such as yours that a community of support and understanding such as this one can exist. I know that thousands of people are receiving so much from your contribution. I have had many emails from members over the years stating that they would not be alive, or don't know where they would be, were it not for the support of the community. They thank me for the site, but I truly have very little to do with the site. The community is there for one another; the support comes from you. So you are to thank, fully. Thank you, for being there for the community.

Sabai Sabai,
James

Let Me Hear You Say

CANVAS BAGS!

After It All

//I've Got Nothing Left -

..NothingLeftOfYou..

Are You Listening?

Past These Words, Beyond The Anger And Self Hate, I'm Just Scared. .




I Need You To Just Look Me In The Eyes, Tell Me I'll Be Okay.

When Everything

Is A Huge Bag Of Shit. It Dose Get Worse. 

Believe Me. I'd Know.

Purge?..

PREVENTION!


In order to stop the cycle it only makes sense to prevent the cause. 

From Dove:

""

I'm Never Far For Home Is Where The Heart Is.

To You,

My PT Family,

I would be in such a worse place with out you all, And I Know Alot Of Others Would Be To. Never forget, all of you are so damn beautiful in every way. I just wanted to dedicate this song to all of you that have been there to beat me up for beating myself up over those silly things, And Those That Have Taken The Time To Help A Fellow Pter In A Time Of Need. Some of you have helped me through some extremely hard times. And I know others can say the same. No amount of  "thank-yous" will ever be enough. I'm so thankful I've made some life long friends, even though this sickness has brought us together. Remember, I've always got your backs.

-Alice

This Is For You.

 

Hello Kitty,

Good Bye Reality. 

I've Got 'Em Goals. Let Them Destroy Me As I Go.

Iris, City Of Angels.

And I'd give up forever to touch you 
Cause I know that you feel me somehow 
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be 
And I don't want to go home right now 

And all I can taste is this moment 

And all I can breathe is your life 

Cause sooner or later it's over 

I just don't want to miss you tonight 

And I don't want the world to see me 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand 
When everything's made to be broken 
I just want you to know who I am 

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming 
Or the moment of truth in your lies 
When everything feels like the movies 
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive 

And I don't want the world to see me 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand 
When everything's made to be broken 
I just want you to know who I am 

I don't want the world to see me 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand 
When everything's made to be broken 
I just want you to know who I am 

I just want you to know who I am 

Highway 20 Ride

"A day might come you'll realize
That if you see through my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son, please don’t mistake me
For a man that didn’t care at all"

"So when you drive

And the years go flying by

I hope you smile

If I ever cross your mind

It was the pleasure of my life

And I cherished every time

And my whole world

It begins and ends with you

On that Highway 20 ride.."

If You Really Knew Me:

If you really knew me, you'd know that I feel i'm never good enough. for anything. I cause more hurt then i'm worth and i only want to do good.

If you really knew me, you'd know that i'm invisible. I have a speech impediment which i'm very self conscious about, it holds me back from meeting anyone.

If you really knew me, youd know that i feel the world is flying past me. that i'm standing still while everyone is moving on to bigger things. if you knew me, you'd know i'm terrified of what i'm capable of.

But If You Really Knew Me, you'd know that Mia has taken over my life.. That I'm Scared.. That I Don't Know Where To Run.

Hello You,

"Your Back Again, And I've Missed You So.."

I Know What Your Thinking.. I'm no longer Sara. I've changed and lost my spunk. I'm not sure how I can explain that I'm still here, just buried deep beneath stress and reality. Schooling Is Piling Up, and The Purging Has Weaseled It's Way Back Into My Life.. It Hurt So Badly When You Said I'm Lost, cause I knew you were right. You Know Me So Damn Well I Knew I Couldn't Hide It..

He Says,

"I Love You With Everything I've Got."

I Never For A Moment Second Guess. /// He Is Everything To Me, And I'd Be So Lost With Out Him.

I Love You My Dear, I'd Fight Till The End, Just For You.

Here I Am

So Take Me As I Am, Faults And All.


I`m holding my breath..

I Just ..

Cant Keep Doing This.

Words Whispered Just So...

The midnight's sky the blanket of stars
your gazing eyes, jewels from afar.
The howling wind, its eerie cry.
whispering softly, it'll all be fine
A beat of the heart, the flutter of leaves
so surreal could it truly be, more than a dream
that keeps calling to me.
I surrender my love
to the Goddess that be. undying loyalty, a warrior for the.
a protector, a saviour, a bringer of peace,
a quieted rage finally Deceased
for shes released the best in me
to fight for the better,
to be rid of the burdens that hindered the way.
a life in debt for the ease of pain
a vow to her. and nothing more
For as long as you love me i'm forever yours.
An eternity that lasted days.
should of stayed and kept you safe.
The Worlds full of poison i wished to be the cure
now i'm broken, shattered, full of fear.
i've lost her forever. but my heart is hers.
goodbye my love.. i'm forever yours.

Breath Deep Now..

Worth A Try?

Light As Air?

Lift Me up.. 

The Plan Is Written Out And Printed Off.
One Step At A Time.

This Is How,

It'll Always Be. 

No Matter The Number, It'll Never Be Low Enough. 

The Inches Wont Falter Fast Enough, The Bones Wont Protrude Large Enough, Intake Over Nothing And Extra Small Will Never Be Quite Enough. Lies Through Sly Smiles Is All I'll Ever Be. No I Dont Want My Mind To Calculate To Divide Down Every Number, For Every Bite. Its In Me. Toxic And Mind Controlling. Its Not A Defect, Its A Disorder. Its Part Of My Life. No Matter How Terrified I Am Now, It'll Never Compare To My Life With Out These Tenacities. Its Never The Middle, Always One Of The Extremes. I'll Never Know When The Switch Will Be Flipped. But It Will. And I'll Shake, I'll Be Buried In Fear, Shivering And Cold. 

Will You Hold My Hand When It Comes Down To Having To Change?

Will You Be Able To Understand..? To Mildly Grasp The Pain I'm In..?

Darkness,

And Marsupials.

Its Just..

One Thing After Another.

Today..

Beauty Is Now The Beast.

Dreams..?

Monkey

To see a monkey in your dream, symbolizes deceit, insight and intuition. Those around you are working to advance their own interest. Alternatively, monkeys indicate an immature attitude, a playful nature and the mischievous side of your personality. 

Also consider the significance of the Three Mystic Monkeys who cover their eyes, ears and mouth to mean that they see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

Darkness

To dream that darkness comes upon you, signifies failure in some work that you are attempting.  Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. 

To dream that you are lost in the darkness, denotes feelings of desperation, depression, or insecurity.

To dream that you are groping around in the darkness, indicates that you have insufficient information to make a clear decision. Do your research and do not rush into making choices.

Mice/Mouse

To see mice in your dream, indicates that you are spending too much time dwelling on minor problems and insignificant matters.

To see mice feeding or eating in your dream, suggests that someone is trying to bring down your self-confidence. Someone may be nipping away at your resources.

To see a mouse in your dream, indicates fear, meekness, insignificance and a lack of assertiveness. You are experiencing feelings of inadequacy and fears that you are not measuring up. Alternatively, a mouse symbolizes minor irritations and annoyances. Perhaps you are letting petty problems or insignificant issues eat away at you. 

To dream that a mouse is being chased, suggests that you are not standing up for yourself. You are letting others push you around. 

Snack Zone?!

How To Be Alone.

My Song:

Little Miss Invisible She.