The other blog is gone. I just couldnt do it. I couldnt lay it all out for everyone to listen to. It tore me inside. knowing anyone at any time could know. i just couldnt take it. plans are still there. solid as ever. I'll just keep it all in the best i can. even my best friend dosent understand.. i just wish he would. every time i see the numbers drop i remember all the comments he told me, the ones that would make everything rush. at my lowest, he had called me beautiful. back then he never knew all that was going on. but the words echoed. more than anything i want to get back there. back down to my lowest. when i was beautiful. beautiful to him. sure yannics my drive for perfection, cause i'm terrified i'll never live up to him. but he, he is my drive to live. to be all that i can be. to stick with it. to do it for me. i just wish i had his ability to push. how he works hard everyday, nothing will get in his way. i'm taking small steps cause working that hard like he does, like i have before, sets me up for such a fall. such a tear down when it all falls through. i hope he knows i look up to him. but even if he read this, it might come off the wrong way. but its all just useless babble anyways. i cant talk with him about it.
Its just me.
little invisible she.
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