It's never over

Ah blah blah blah bblllaahhhh...
Yeah.

Ima point form the last few days.
-Boss is a bitch:
She was giving three or more days in advance that I had the appointment and day of (after the appointment) I came in to prove where I was, and the marked me as a no show! She called no one in to replace me and the morning crew was swamped with work. And that's not my fault! Four degrees of grr.

-I haven't seen or had much of a conversation with Yannic:
My phone ran outta minutes and I really don't care to be bothered to get more. I only text Yannic and we are more then capable I talk via the phone. And well I dunno I'm magourly Irked that I've had since Thursday off and I only today (a Saturday afternoon) will get to see him. Yeah, seems like I'm a priority. Blah.

-Ive got nothing left to say to him:
Msn convo after msn convo, he just bares so much down on me and it hurts every time, but there is nothing left I can do for him till he really wants change.

-120's
Still. After three weeks of running and working out daily. It's bs.

-prom.
Seems yet again I've been forgotten about. Woo. Great friends hey?

-max...
Went missing a year ago. You'd figured dad would have sent a message or something! He knew how much I cared for that stupid cat.

I'm not sure what to talk about anymore.. Ive stopped taking welburtin xl. It did nothing.



I think Yannic doesn't believe me.. I think all the shut I've told him about my struggles and my food issues. I think he believes I just wanna eat healthy. He thinks I just wanna be fit and eat healthy and that there is no Ed issue. And well that really hurts. This time round I'm not saying shit. Yeah I've purged every might this week. Yeah I've been taking laxatives again, and yes, more then I should. Oh you should see me at the gym, fueled on a rice cake and egg white and I'm burning at least 800 on each machine. And yeah, I stay till I reach that number. No I'm not okay. And yeah if he doesn't believe me, then fine, he dosent need to hear about all this shit.

As far as he knows, I'm doing great.

I'm sorry.. I'm all over the place.

Just found out max has been missing for over a year and a half.
Missing.

Because I left, I left max to be by himself. With out me.
Because I left, he is now presumed dead.

Because
I left.



My dearest max, you will always and forever have my love. I will never forget you.
May you rest in peace.

Double take.

Why yes, I need a belt in mah skinny jeans.
And I look hot.

Little magic pills and portals.

I'm at the doctors office, (three bars of wifi ;D ) I'm here to tell him off for upping my dosage! It's made me extremely depressed and I just can't take it.. I'm so damn close to finishing school and I can't even sit long enough to watch tv! Gah it's so unbelievably frustrating.. I didn't take my pill this morning and I'm already feeling better (just wait till it's outta my system!) be sides that I've started my last unit in English, sadly it's hamlet.. Blah. Doing it once was hard enough! Ive got two study apps for it though, so let hope it goes smoother then I think it will. On a positive note, under my legs, in my bag, under my apron and wallet, sits in an EB bag: portal 2! yeah, you herd (read) me! I preordered it last week and I can't wait to play it! Of course I've gotta sit through this appointment, then a short run and boxing session, and of course a shower... THEN portal 2 :D hehe if I don't do my run I'll never do it once that game leaves it's case!


I should check in with the girls before my wifi is lost again,

ThinkThin XoXo

I'm a tad overwhelmed.




I miss you.

My mussels hate me. This is fact.

I've been running/jogging/walking every morning so far this week, and since I've never stuck to any type of activity that long, my mussels hate me. Hence the reason why I'm writing this in the bath. The one my mother drew for me. As I was spoce to bike home.. But Yannic showed up..? Although he said he wouldn't? I'm not sure. All that matters is I'm in the bath. Yay.

Tomorrow I take my final test in family studies. After that I've only got English left and I grad! (finally) I can't wait. I think my meds are out to get me. Get me fat that is. I'm noming upwards of 1500 daily. Now since I'm working out I'd be loosing if I wasn't gorging myself! Ugh. Yeah.. Right now I'm trying to just keep up with my planned excerice. And so far it's working. I'm going to redo the 1980 diet again, cause I really enjoyed that one. And I'll be able to stick to it.

I should really stop focusing on diets and food and excerice.. And just finish homework already.. But it's hard.. I can't sit in one place long enough to do anything! It's hard when I know if I just focused I could finish my assignment in a few hours (instead of days..) but I just can't! Or don't want to? I'm not sure any more..

I'm up to four pen pals now. And it's sad that's the most human interaction I get some days.. Just lonely..

Lonely and fat (y)

Anywho, bath is getting cold, and Yannic is getting bored. Update when I've got wifi.

Viniger and kisses?

Its been a while with an update, ya, i know..
But i dunno.. Since i started mah meds again, it feels like it's at a higher dose..? Im not sure.. Maybe I'm crazy? I think my body is! After a week of 600 and below, a few days of four hundred, and I was loosing. Then a day of 500 and I gained a pound!? Then I figured I was (tmi) backed up so I took five laxatives two detox teas and had a high cal day. I maintained at 2000? Then yesterday was 1200 and I gained two Pounds!? W.t.f.

Gah..

And I donno.. It kinda adds to Yannic being at the club house.. I know he likes it there and well I'm honestly not sure why I don't like it.. He knows I'm not too fond of it all.. But I donno what to do..

I keep taking outta my spending account. Down to 700. I spent a bit on the watch (which is two days late.) and a bit with the the other gifts. (mine included.. Someone had to get me something, might ad well be me.) and I took out 130 to wine and dine Yannic this weekend. But the fair plan is ruined cause it's cold and grey, so that takes out the picnic to.. Blah.. I just wanna be the one to take him out once and a while.. To get him nice things he wants and to pay for gas/dinner/twislers..

I just feel shitty..

Blah.

Ps, there is wunderbar ice-cream. I'd be 200lbs for that. In a clogged heart beat.

Baking Life on Facebook

Baking Life on Facebook

Yeah, I play facebook games. Makes life seem less dull.

So I'm not gone completely. After a few days of utter depression, I sucked it up and got more meds. I'm feeling more chipper, but still blah. I'm getting really hostile over the club house, and concerts. I don't really wanna go in to anymore. i'm on the fast track to 115 again. getting ahold on the eating is hard, but so fricken worth it. in the next few days (when i get my camera back) i'll be posting the photos from the float plane tour over seattle. one word = breath-taking. (its still one word.. its just hifanated..) Went to pike place market, found the book, "Alice In Zombieland." So going to buy it. hehe. I figured i should end it now cause my wifi is all over the place, I'll update later in starbucks. ( Gotta love free wifi ! )