Mixed nuts, fruit smoothies.

Everything from A to Z.

I think every once and while a good hardy shake is required, only to truly see how far you've come.

Jason is right, I've made leaps and bounds from where I've come and that is something to be proud of. A slip now and then is to be expected.

I've made progress with eating, exercising, social situations, and over all confidence. That's something to be proud of, as no change is over night and takes work.

I really am in a good place, and I'm working every day to better myself and my life. With Jason in my life, I don't think I would have ever made it this far, I owe so much to him. He really is my everything, and no amount of "I love you"s could ever cover it.

A few good laughs

Shared with a great friend.

I always forget just how much I miss naya, but that first moments of seeing her, it all rushes back. I hope we will be friends forever. As how ever long forever may be, but I will always cherish our time together.

Do's and Don'ts

Of afternoon napping, amongst other things.

I purged. I'm high on coke, and I purged.

My scooter died, so I've been biking to work the last few days. Sure I've got to wake up a little earlier, but it's nice getting that extra exercise in. I've even inquire about a personal trainer at my gym. It's a doable price, so maybe once a week for an hour.

I've been going back in my shell lately, been avoiding seeing people and been awfully aggravated with close to everyone and everything lately. Even my customers are telling me that I'm a little short on energy, a little dull.

I've been eating pot cookies as of late. It's the only thing that has helped my joint pain. I'm scared to go in to to the doctors.. Scared to hear she can't help me, that she can't find anything wrong.

I'd stand up, stare her right in the eye, and calmly tell her western medicine can no longer help me.

Nothing can.

Hot girls & public transit..

Small adventures on my days off.

The most jaw dropping sexy women got on the bus, she stood in front of me, our legs touched, the bus seat vibrated.

I couldn't talk.

Twenty minutes and I couldn't talk.

Why can't I just say

"Your the sexiest lady I've ever seen.. let me explore your body in the heat of passion as its pressed against mine."

One can hope.

Making crafts

Breaking hearts..

I think the trans girl really likes me.. And I don't want to hurt her.. But I don't like her back.

It's sweet and all, I've never had attention like that from a girl, but I don't feel it back.

Does that mean I only feel lust for girls?

We watched 'but I'm a cheer leader' and I felt a tightening in my chest, a longing for that feeling and connection that the main characters felt. That freedom of self, that complete content within.

Will I find that?

Hedgehogging

"That's when, I first fell in love with you."

But always what gets me, is how you know so well, and we've only just met.

"I feel like you are the one I'm gonna like for a while a long while."

What was I doing before I met you, how was I even going on, with out you, and the love you share and bring out in me.

Xoxo
Alice

Just a little cupcake

Looking for a stud muffin.

I'm not sure what I'm doing, I know I'm taking the lead, but I feel as if I'm on auto pilot. Too busy all the time, but when I'm not busy, I'm making excuses to avoid people.

Got a job offer, if all goes well I won't be at chevron any more. And it looks like I was right, I won't be going to school. That really makes me sad, ill be disappointing a lot of people that are rooting for me..

As for the open relationship, it's closed again. But I can stop thinking about girls.. and how I so badly want to fool around with them, but I know I shouldn't. I was the one that closed it again I can't open it again like this, I don't wanna toy with this situation , it wouldn't be right. So tempted to just dress up and go to the club and just flirt, I just want some female attention, want to be hit on from hot girls that I'd never ever have to nerve to chase.

What's wrong with me?

The BonBon to my Lyra?

It still counts even is this "she" has a penis.. Right?

No gym, no loss.

No sweat, no gain.

For the whole month of math I went once or twice to the gym.. I know sad.

But so far I've been a good little girl, purging on command and running my little legs off.

I've started zanthrax 3 and a fruit based diet with protein whey powder to supplement. I haven't stuck with it very well, cause I missed my period last month so I let myself gain.. Bad move. I hit 121 again and couldn't stand it. Let my period disappear I much prefer it that way! 116 now, in a week.

I am much stronger now though, and much leaner, so I know most will be muscle. Ill find out my numbers and post later, but the scale is going down and so is my waist.

On a sad note.. My I've weight male coworker got into his head that fasting is the only way to save himself. He won't eat for 24hours at a time (twice a week he says.. But I saw it three times in a row..) I'm scared cause I can see his desperation, I can see his pain. And I want to help him with my well of knowledge, but at the same time I wanna see him suffer, just till he breaks. Th. pick up the shards and ask "oh fasting didn't work? I wonder why. Now will you let me help you?"

Woe is me.

My first date, and what happeneds

After/without hand holding.

I went on my first date, with a girl. We went on another.. And went a little further then planned. Sure it was vodka fuelled, but it was hot and rough, just like I like it.

In the middle of the night we awoke, half hung over, and did it again. Then in he morning, sober and cuddling, we did it again.

I was covered in hickeys and bruises for a week after. I won't ever forget my first time with a girl. Not ever.