Night-after-Night..

Dream After Dream. 

It tears at me, over and over again. I ran away from my problems. And left him to rot. Left him to die. Left him with out love, or caring. I left him. It hurts more then I ever thought it could. And nothing can change that. 

I awoke from last nights dream, drenched in sweat, my sheets a mess, and my stumic turning. It was the most real life dream I've to date have experienced. I was living at dad's. At first the dream wasn't about that, but that's only the parts I can recall. I wanted to leave. To go home. He wouldn't let me. He started the trailer and informed me we were leaving. I had no choice. I was terrified, And Screaming For Him To Pull Over. To Let Me Out. I was ready to jump out of the truck if he didn't stop. I had grabbed Max from the back of dad's truck as he was driving away. I barely got him. I barely escaped. He was in my arms, I could feel the softness of his fur.  I had a tightness in my chest walking back down the road, Max in my arms, I clung to him. I began to run, and cry. Crying so hard no sound came out. In desperation, I ran to the first house, begging for help before I reached the door. Thats when I woke up.

I'm not sure what it all means, nor do I want to remember it. I know that I miss him, and that it all hurts. So damn much. And I know that right now I'm scared to go back to sleep, afraid I'll dream of him again. I'm afraid to start crying, scared I won't be able to stop.