May 3rd

Wednesday, 9:26 am

Nothing.

Nothingness.

Empty.

Void.

Funnily enough, I though this would feel colder. More of a lukewarm, puddle on a cloudy day. Thought I knew depression. Thought I had felt the harshness, the rock bottom low, the full force.

Sharked.

Cant sleep. Not tired. Eyes are heavy, red and swollen. As if my late night was spent crying instead of mindless tasks.

I did cry. I burst into tears and went back to work. Like nothing was wrong. Hole in my chest still raw. Like nothing was wrong.

We broke up. Without saying goodbye.

Come to think of it, neither one of us are very good at goodbyes.

How can we even use the title "best friends", we've been so disant since your mum's death. You kept me at a distance. I kept you in the bubble of safe and content, because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to be your friend. We've been so distant. Why do we keep bullshitting each other.

I'm too much to handle, I'm too different. I cause you pain.

Nothing I can do now. Nothing I could ever do.

Wrong timing. Bad communication.

I think we'd be so good for each other, if we met each other now. If I knew who I was, if you could just accept it. If I could just know how I hurt you.

I get to walk away with out saying goodbye. And that's going to be even harder than you know.