On The Next...

Season Three, Episode Four

I am fine.

You asked for space, and I realised I needed some too.

My mind is all over the place.
My heart is all over the place.

My life is starting to ..

Please, know I'm here. But I need to be away.

To Your Kindred Soul, And It's Journey, Blessed Be.

I strongly feel I'm straying far from my path. I've only jumped from one commitment to the next, never thinking I need time for me. 

Each time only seeing the reasons to stay. 

I crave to be in the forest. My toes in the grass, my head in the clouds. Earths song singing to my soul. 

I am a Druid. 

This concret city is no good for me. It's disconnected people, it's harsh cold personality. 

Each new commitment keeps me here. Not unwillingly of course. I do enjoy the diversity and the endless possibities that a large city such as this can offer me. But I know I need to set my priorities. 

I need the forest. I need my path. I need my art, my craft. 

If this is unacceptable for my partners, then I need to part ways. This is my life, I need my path. There is far too much in my life I crave to stay in this cage. 

I'm sorry loves, this only hurts for now. 

If you love me, truly, deeply, and truly so, you'll support me. 

Please understand. 

This is for my soul, my life. 

Where and when I'll truly be happy, complete.

Reshaking an eight ball, need another answer.

I'm coming around to finally giving in. 

Giving in to the fact my sex drive is non-excitant.

I'm not broken (though it could be the meds)

I'm okay really (never liked sex)

I'm sure things are okay (Mike doesn't ask for anything anyways)

Haven't I always felt this way?

Honestly, I can't recall. I know as far as I can think back, I've never instigated sex. Kissing, yes. Mutual masterbation? Quite a few times. Mostly just cuddles, and playing with their hair. Soft kisses. Being held. I've enjoyed sex, though it mostly becomes enjoyable half way through and I'll get turned on. The other times, I'm just waiting for it all to be overed. So I can cuddle. 

Not that I don't enjoy the closeness, the sweaty bodies in motion, coming together, feeling one. 

But I can have that without sex. I truly prefer it without sex.

Though it's not worrisome on my behalf, I'm content like this. 

However it seems, EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET, likes sex. A lot. 

I'm happy to pretend though, I know it would only hurt others more if I didn't. 

Sexual attraction seems very important. 

But what do I know about courtship?

Wrote in mornings first light, Reread in mornings soft dusk.

I'm not sure in this moment I'm able to explain how I feel.

Warmth, and comfort. Sturdy and safe. 

Home. 


I know.. I need your energy and your smile in my life,
regardless of who we are to each other.. For the rest of our companionship.

I just need you.

You are more then just another person in my life, so much more than simply, friend.

You are to me, Mal.



A three letter word that means late nights, heavy laughter, and little smiles.

I've learnt so much in the short time we've been friends about myself.
Most importantly, I can be cared for, no matter how unloved my true self feels at times.

But more then anyone, you are listening.
and that speaks so further then little breaths held in.

I know that messages sent, are read, are heard and felt.

I am felt, all who I really am.
Finally felt.

Regardless how scared I feel, when raw truth is said out loud. 

I know in my heart, open arms are there.

And in return, I am here,
Please let me be here.