Likes other little invisible shes' ?

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Some people are better on medication

I'm starting to think I'm one of those people.

I'm still tapering down and off of my meds, and I can slowly see my old habits and ways of acting coming back. I don't like how I use to be. I don't like it one bit, and I really don't want to go through that all again. But here it is, and Jason is being subject to it, "it" as in, crazy little me.

Maybe I'm better off on meds..?

Maybe I'm better off dead.

I'm doing better sure, but better is just coasting along. I'm still avoiding calling up BCIT and I'm still with out my graduation. I'm wasting my life. It's not.. I'm not.. worth taking up space.


I've started cutting again.


Little crazy Alice, she needs to feel alive.

Not so invisible..?

And that's a good thing!

I'd like to take this time, to write a little something, to Muffin.

My dearest, Muffin.
As I sat outside my suite, listening to the rain and meditating, I realized something, I'm in an alright place right now in life.

I've got a place that is mine, a sweet little pet, a few very close friends, a job that gets me by, and someone that truly gets me. That's you.

And you've really helped me get to this mind state, you gave me that little push and the guidance that I needed.

Not just with my apartment, but with my self discovery as well. I'm happy, for real, I'm smiling and I'm happy. I'm getting off my medication, making moves for schooling, and (I'm sure your tired of hearing about my eating issues) but you've helped me with them as well.

Not that you've gone outta your way to really do any of this, but just by being you, and in that, understanding my struggles on a level that I've really needed for a while. Your able to give me space when needed or to push my comfort zone just enough, with doing so I'm discovering who I am, and really, who I'm capable of becoming.

But again, you do these thing, because we are so alike, you know just how far to push, and when space is really required.

I've known you for just a short time period, but in that span, you've done more for me then I ever thought possible.

Your helping little Alice find her true self. And along the way, has found love as well.

So thank you, again and again, thank you.
Much love, and forever yours,
Little cupcake
Xoxo

Little invisible Alice

Is covered in little red marks, soon to be little white ribbon scars.



I'm not sure what to write.
I'm not sure what to think or how to feel.
I want to cry, but I'm not too sure I can.

Numb counts as a feeling, right?

Some days..

I'd rather drink vodka and stay in bed.

I'm doing a lot better today, I realize now my last post was careless and has scared a few people.. I'm really sorry about that.

With the tappering off of my meds I'm really all over the place. I'm über hungry and lonely feeling as well.. (111.4..) but ill make it. My goal right now is 103.5 as then ill be classified under weight. Maybe I'll be happy then.

Asia has been super great lately, I always knew she was amazing, but as of late we have gotten super close and its really what I need. Together we are super awesome and have hit our goals thus far! We are back to being pen pals as well! Hehe it's nice having another friend, some one that's there and really gets it.

I'm heading to see a show tonight with Jason, going to see Emilie autumn, it's gonna be another Rio date night.. It's gonna be so great!

Scrambled..

Too much to write about..

I'm so depressed..

I'm so..

So alone..

I can't move..

It's hard to breath..