Taking back my back my space.

I know this blog has been given, as an open book, to many trusted people over the years. Sadly, because of which, this space as been censored and filtered. Then slowly, left to collect dust.

But I'm unable to let something that I held so dearly to my heart, as my safe and cherished home, die that way. I need this space, I need to take it back.

There has been so much going on, that even with a search to talk to outside persons leaves me needing more. This was where I voiced my concerned and worked out what was going on. It was the best space for me.

So you'll be seeing much more updates. Funnily enough, I wrote this out months ago, craving the same thing. But I was unable to hit send. So here is that post.

Little Miss Lines..

..And the words she can't write down

This is my blog. My space. Where I can write what ever crosses my mind, or is even a flicker of a thought. But that's no longer true. No, this space, my space, it's filtered. With every new face I bring to this space, the less I'm able to write. Then, less and less, to the point there is no longer any updates. 

And that's not fair. 

I'm not able to write about the bottles of wine that hide in my closet. The smiles and glances, or kisses exchanged. How my loves are so very far away.. And I know I'm hurting them. Or the countless times I've stayed up all night sharing secrets with my room mate, our eyes as wide as the moon. I'm not able to write down how scared I am. How I'm scared to walk close to the railing, cause I'm thinking of what it would feel like to fall from five stories up. Or, how I'm thinking of chest binders, again. How each day I'm more uncomfortable in my skin, just craving to be neutral. 

And that.. That is not fair.

This is my space. And I have to reclaim it. What ever comes from that, has to come. I can't suppress these thoughts and fears any longer, I'm bursting at the seams.

I'm just, so very tired..