I Figure

If I Cant Control Everything. I Might As Well Just Let It All Happen.

Lesson One

You Do Not
Expect Them To Go Along With It.

Fuck That.

He Is IN The Known

guess who found my blog...

He Has Yet To Say Anything, but it was bookmarked on his computer..
Oh of course I had to fix that.. He Just Cant Know.

Just Working Out How To Bring It Up To Him..
Find Out What He Knows.

Y.B.

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Oh Woah Is Me

Silly Ministry.. How You Have Failed Me Yet Again.

Its my first day off since I've got here.. A month of going from yannics to my mums to kimmys and back again.. its crazy.. After 5 ish months of no one, to being in such high demand, its rather intense. I thought I was sure to snap kimmys head off the other day.. But I took off home and had myself a mini freak out at eggs instead. better, but not quite sane. Tomorrow I'm off to join yannic and his mum to watch a Shakespeare play on the beach and then Friday is the folk music festival. All the while the ministry hasn't done anything.. so I'm stuck doing nothing. Cant look for a job or an apartment till i hear from the damn gov. Woo.. And To Top It All Off, My Correspondence Work Has Yet To Come. A month and no word.. I'm in mini spaz mode stressing over it.

Oh Jello,

A New Pathetic Low.

When some ones drops everything they are holding and bolts from a store, it means they don't want to see you and would do anything to get away from seeing you. Take My Advice, don't chase after them and call their friends disrespectful names. Its Just Not Nice.

To Try.. Once More

i am a poet writing a poem.
i am a person living a life of shame.
i am your daughter hiding my depression.
i am your sister making a good impression.
i am your friend acting like like everything's fine.
i am a wisher, wishing this life weren't mine.
i am a girl who used to think of suicide.
i am a teenager pushing her tears aside.
i am a student who doesn't have a clue.
i am the girl next to you.
i am the one asking you to care.
i am your friend, hoping you'll be there.

Its not like I'm counting..

30 Days, 22 Hours, 17 Minutes.

335 Days And Counting.

And I Wouldnt Change A Thing.

01001101 01111001 

01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101

About Now?

Mind If I Say " I Told You So? "
I Said, Time And Time Again.

I'm Not Worth Your Time.

I find it so very funny you just realize this all now.


I did warn you. Its no fault of mine.

Mixed Emotions.

I hit my first goal weight today. For the first time in four months I'm back at 125.  I should be over joyed. I feel like shit. Mia's BS and Ana's Claws. Its a bad mix for sure. But I'm In The Winners Seat Today. They Can Suck My Prominent Hip Bones.

Scars

They Are Whiter Then Ever.. Every Single Line.. More Aparant Then Ever Before.

I'm Terrified They Will See. They Will Know, What A Freak I Am..

Dear Jakejackle

Hiya.. Not too sure if i should even hit the send button or not, but I just wanted to know if you were okay. Alright.. I guess "okay" isn't really a proper word choice.. But I donno.. Just wanted to know if your still around.. Our last convo didn't really go well.. that's an understatement.. I donno..I guess you've been on my mind a lot lately, wondering all the "what if's" and its been keeping me up.. guess I'm just doing this for selfish reasons, to calm my mind. You don't have to message back.Hell you could just hit delete before even reading this. as long as you know your on my mind.. that I'm up worrying about you.. that you still a friend to me.. that your pendant is still hanging from my neck.. that your missed.. maybe you were right in deleting me from everything.. maybe this will just make it all worse.. and I'm so sorry if it does.. i just wanted to message you.. dug around for an hour looking for my nex password just to do so.. but I'll leave you be. just never really got my proper good bye..so well..


Good bye prince, you know were to find me.. and that I'll always be here when needed. no matter what. that will never change.

AirPlanes

"I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now."

I'll Be Hearing Back From The Ministry Tommorrow, rather I'll be chasing them down. I do hope it works out. That I'll be able to be sent to burnaby. But on the other hand, I'm thinking of dropping art school, Perhaps Heading To UFV..To study what, I really don't know.. Its all once agian up in the air. No matter how much I simply hate life when it gets like this, When Nothing Is Planned, When Its Unperdicable, It seems to always come back to this. Was explaning this to Yannic last night and he told me to Breath, Take It All One Day And One Project At A Time. And thats what I'm trying to do. I'm aiming to enjoy the sun, to smile, to live and love and be happy.

So Far So Good. But His memory plages me.

"Smile" Click.

"When Your Away, Oh How Your Missed."

Well.. Uh.. Yeah.

I Dont Know What To Tell You. But I'm Scared To Say Good Bye.

Off To Bed..

Going To Think Everything Over..

Thoughts falling where they shouldnt, and it brings me to tears. You Terrify Me. I dont know how to better explain. I want to make it all just stop. But I cant. And you'll never forgive me for that.

Long Weekend..

Simply A Drunk'n Whore Fest.

There were times when it was fun, just us five a few beers and racsit slurs. But the rest was horrid. I was in huge amounts of pain all weekend from my lack of teeth. And you'd figure in a place where you could get any drug you could want, no one had pain killers. woo. But Ah Well, I Mean It Was Still Fun. A drunk'n gong show and an entertaining one at that. I'm glad to be back though. I think I'm more with drawn now. More unsure of myself. That craving of invisibility is crawling back. Just Wanna Curl Up In My Baggy Clothes, Binded, Soft Spoken, Part Of The Wall.