Making Friends..*

And Taking Names ..

And I'm Scared.. Simple Terrified..
I don't want to be alone.
Cause when I'm alone it starts up again..

Grounded?

No Party Zone Ahead.. Just So You Know..

He Says parting is my down fall in school.. well thats just not true.
No more getting high.
No more drinking.

Simple rules you say?
well when you go thru over 100 $ worth in a week with your room mate..
And party every tuesday cause said room mate would kill you if you didnt.. then well not so simple.

For The Days I Wish Never Happened.

And The Text Messages Never Sent.

Im head to the doctors tomorrow.. And i hope to find help.
This just cant go on..

sign here?

Yes, Sign Here. Now Do A Little Dance.

Home schooling.
Its an idea.
In the near future.

You Look At Me,

And i see the hate.

you really think i enjoy this!?

Ana keeps me up all night like I'm on e!
Miss keeps whispering that one more bite cant really hurt, then sticks her fingers down my throat!

i hate myself.

i hate having to listen to them.

you just wouldn't understand.
you wouldn't understand unless you were double teamed like me.

you think i can turn it off and on.

well news flash.
its called a SICKNESS for a reason.

and baby, no amount of pills can make this go away.

no matter how much i wish they could.

The Fix Is In.

Working on an inchless waist band.
In this stripmall wasteland outside of this town.
or clawing at the penthouse kicten floor,
for just one smidgen more.
Everybody knows.
the
fix
is
in..

My Love..

I'm Terrified I'm Losing You, And That I'm Letting It Happen.

Even more scared that what i've tried to prevent from intoxicating us has found a way in.

I.Want.Out.

Bags Packed, I'm Out The Door. Oh You, You Cant Stop Me.

I want abby back. I want my mother. I want the love of my life. And my cloest friends.

I want everything to be like it was.

Try Try Agian.

I Know There Is Always Tomorrow. But Right Now It Feels So So Far Away.

I Know I Can Do This.
Plan after plan failed.. BUT.. well no but. I know i'll slip out some way from any plan i make..
So No Plan?
Seems the only way i've been going.

[Post After Post.]
I'm not alone. Everyone has been here.
And reach here before they find the breaking point.

I'veFoundMyBreakingPoint.

I've Driven My Self To This.

I Use The Pills, it seems they use me..

I want nothing more then the body that I know full well is attainable.

If I Had My Way

You'd Be Six Feet Under And Noming Worms.

Top Ten Reason He Makes My Heart Race..

I say:
come snuggle.. watch Seinfeld nom cocoa, and lay next to me..<3
He says:
Mm..I prefer come snuggle..Pretend to watch Seinfeld..Lay next to cocoa and nom on you...

Things'll Get Better.

So He Lost His Goth, And I Lost My Sight.

Its a sylte, or something. eye lid pimple I guess. I gotta wait till it pops ..
Ew.. I know.
Nail polish wearing, in the shade of black of course.
with said nails, she ripped out his heart.
poor Matt.. I still love you .. < 3

Pink Eye And Pop Corn.

I Binge And Binge. Mia Lets Me. Ana Wont Let Me Get Rid Of It.

Tells me to sit there and let everything sink in. Its punishment.

Pound After Pound Is Punishment.

"There is always tomorrow."
No. No There isnt.
There Is Now.

Heat In A Jar.

Less Then Words, Cause No Words Can Say Just What I Mean.

Top Ten Reasons I Love Him.

Not Including Beer And Zombies

Good Morning World.

Something Swell Shut, And You Have The Right To Bitch.

She Says Pink Eye, I Say Fuck You.
How right can she be anyways? she wants to rail my brother.
I wouldnt take her word with the smallest grain of salt.

Ana Wont Let Me, But

Mia Wont Keep Her Damn Mouth Shut. Dirty Slut.

SoHereIsTheDownLow.

The Crack Head And The Alcoholic Are Feuding. Again. But Guess Who Is On Our Side?

Why cant Matt just leave? If he has money for crack, why cant he get a new apartment.
At least Ryan is on our side, right?

I swear my life would make a smash hit sitcom.

I'd Never Tell You.. But.

Mother Dearest, I Still Love You.

A year has gone by., and well. I miss you.
I wish I was there still in Abby.
more then anything.

Start Again.

Ana My Dear Friend, Say Hello To A Very Depressed World.

I'm just going to let you win my dear. fighting you causes way to much pain.

Grad, Well Another Chapter Down.

Black Eye Or Hung Over. Either Way Mother Isnt Getting A Copy.

Grad photos tomorrow morning. And it shall be after a night for partying.
Oddly enough, its a week end. Last party was a tuesday.
And if it'll end as epicly as that, my photo shall be a keeper.

Lets just hope I grad, and this waking up early on a monday BS is worth it.

Dear Dear Friends, Pleas Dont Fight.

Dealing with the hurtful words and harsh control that my two very close friends have been placing upon me, Is Quite The Task.

Both friends have been with me since an early age.
And both to seem to want the best for me.

Mia Goes behind Ana's back and tells me its okay to eat.
She whispers in my ear that if we work hard, stay empty in day after, Ana wont notice.

Ana, my longest friend, is very upfront.
She tells me just what a fat whore I've let my self become.
And when the tears start to fall from her harsh words, she holds me close and tells me that all will be okay.
She tells me that if I let her control me, all will be okay.

Her and Mia, they fight. often. With me sadly in the middle.
Me torn in the middle.

Both Whispering In My Ears That Everything Will Be Okay, It Will Be Just Fine.

Frist Love Long Long Gone.

Saying Good Bye Again And Again, Never Can Really Grow Old Can It?

Well He Is Gone For Good It Seems.
I Loved Him With My Whole Heart.
He Was My "One."
And Well. I'm Mutated Filth To Him Now.
And Nothing More.

Best friend and everything? Well there goes two years down the drain.
I guess he had one or two good points.
More so it seemed he missed me to.
As Matt pointed out he was only looking for reasons to rid himself of me.

Moving on and up.
I still love him.
But He Dosent Love Me.
But I guess the same principle applies to my parental units.
Ho Hum.

And This Is How it Begins.

Everything has a start.

Just as everything must end.

And this will be my start. A fresh start of sorts.

I want to say that I'm your run of the mill small town girl, you know fucked up family unit, and it all goes down hill from there.
But I'd like to believe I'm not.

In reality I'm struggling with the same High School drama BS that everyone is.
Sure I've met one or two more dark side fellows then Jedi born, but who hasn't?

I like to look at myself as a Freelance Jedi.
Depends on what side is paying more at the time -winkwink-