Feeling A Little Nostalgic

My dearest Linaya..

I love you.

Always and forever, because you are my best friend. I could go all sob story, tell you just how much you've made my life bare able and worthwhile, but the memories we share speak loud enough for them selves. 

I know today isn't the day I send you a link to my blog, nor tomorrow, or any day soon.. But some day, as I want you to know what I've been through, and how far I've come. 

We've been friends for such a long time, and it makes me smile to know we will be for many more years to come. Cause to be honest, no one is quite like you, and no two people get along quite like us.

I hope to move closer to you, to be there when you need me, to be able to help, to really help. The way best friends do.

I'm not sure what stirred this post inside of me.. Maybe it's the Finland vodka, or the Ashcroft trip coming up.. Or the thoughts of your mother passing, and how you called me at work.. how I couldn't help you, how I couldn't be there when you needed me most, and you turned to Makayla. (The fact that memory crushes me every time I think of it..)

Maybe it's no reason at all.. And I just miss you. Cause I really do miss you. 

I wonder if you miss me too.. 

Excuse Me Ma'am..

But I'd like to see your doctorate. Please Tell Me How Are You Qualified To Treat People?

I went to the doctors finally for my joint issues, as they have been extremely terrible lately. I sat down, told her what the matter was, and she told me.. My blood work was normal, all my tests were fine. I blankly stared back and asked, well, whats wrong with me. 

She Told Me, She Didn't Know. 

Sent me away with a months worth of super Aleve and told me to come back if that doesn't help. 

Well fuck me. 

Its done. finally.

Did it all get real, I guess it's real enough

They got refrigerators full of blood

Another century spent pointing guns 

At anything that moves

Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot

Three years of my life, for one little paper.

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you 
And I wondered if I could come home

Some days, just some, you can't help as much as you really wish you could. And that, that makes you human, that makes you feel weak and helpless, and raw. I'm not sure if it's just me, but that's something I'd take on for love, no matter how heavy. 

And I'm pretty sure listening to Bright Eyes is only counter productive. 

But only some sounds can sooth a weighted soul.