A Week With Out Work

And to be honest, I'm losing my shit.

There isn't any structure without a nine to five work week, and I'm not sure with realizing this makes me more of an adult, or that I'm just looking for more reasons to complain.

Jason and I have started doing yoga everyday after he gets home, and its helping my blue moods. I know he is right, lack of exercise is driving me bonkers.. It ties in perfectly with the lack of work thing, I don't get up and out of the house so I never leave the house, simple.

I just hope I start work soon..

Splash Splash

Take a dip, lets splash around!

Got my first swimming workout in! Oh it felt great to have my heart rate up and no pain in my joints :-) Oh it was simply wonderful! I felt good in my swimming suit and finally felt happy, I haven't felt that happy in a really long while.. And I think it's gonna stick. I'm excited. 

OC Idea One.. Yay? Nay?

Zilch.

I hate myself. 

Yes, I know I've said that countless times before, But I'm Loosing Myself.

I haven't been to the gym, all month. I haven't missed more then a 3 day span since I've joined there, and I feel bloated, large, awkward. So I've been having the worst thoughts. Its for the best of my joints though, but they are only getting worse. I'm in extreme amounts of pain, all day, and throughout the night.

I bought my training swimsuit however, and borrowed a few books from the library. I'm ready, but I'm stalling. I'm putting off getting my pass, and reading the books, I'm scared I'll screw up. I'm terrified I'll look like a fool, I just got everything figured out at the gym, and now I'm not on dry land anymore. 

The Anime Convention was great! We got to spend to together, and be nerdy, although we both spent too much money. (Which will no doubt be a factor of stress soon) I only had one problem, little Emily France. I think now that perhaps I was jealous, that I wanted Naya's attention, and that touchy cuddly way that she was attacking Naya with was perhaps my wish. But I think better now, that all wasn't the case, it was simply this little France came outta no where and pushed me outta the picture away from my best friend, reality is.. only friend. And I got sacred. 

Speaking of the Con.. That silly Chinese lady that cut my hair, did a terrible job. I hate it. But I just can't be bothered to care anymore.

I want to cut. Really badly. Really, REALLY badly.

I want to purge. I want to fast. I want my laxatives, and caffeine pills.

I want to hurt myself.





I'm falling in this dark hole,
and I'm not sure I want to be pulled outta it.