Yellow Beads And I'm All A Futter.

Yellow Means Recovery. But I'm Not Done Yet.

I've hit the 122 mark, well not a mark, but its a hell of alot closer then 140 >_<
and well i'm so happy. i was soo worried about the week of bigning.. and how that would add up in the end.
but its okay.
if i stay strong this week and work out like last night every night i'll be okay.
i can do this.
really.
i can.

Days-Weeks-Years

Some Days Are Better Then Others.

Today i know i'll push through.
Yesterday i tore down.
Months ago i was in the dark.

Tommorrow i'll know what i didnt today.
And soon, i'll be where i want to be.

I wont be easy.
But that wont ever stop me.

See My Eyes?

Cause They See Yours.

I feel as if i'm hiding. Hiding in my own skin.
I feel you dont tell me everything. That your keeping the worse away.
Maybe its what i'm doing to you. I love you.. With all my heart.
And its as if you dont understand that.

Youve met me at a very hard time in my life.
I've started to live on my own. - for my rents disowned me
I've got huge dreams of Art School. -i'm failing high school.
I found my love. - but i wont let you love me back.
I'm not perfect. -mia and ana told me so.

Now if you saw my note book. what would you say?

You Call To Me..

Telling Me Things I Want To Hear..

Its happened again.. twice.. and i just cant stop myself.. the binges get smaller. but its not the point.. the point is its still happening..

i need you now more then ever. to tell me no. to tell me to stop. to tear me away..

Tear me apart.

And Stop This Fighting Heart.

Days Like These I Feel So Helpless.. Feel So Far Far Away..

I Need You To Know.

I'm up through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk to the light.

I need you to know we'll be okay.
Together we'll make it thorough another day.

Oh the points..

they do add up..

"we met because i thought that crayons and zombies went together in a strange but humorous manner"

Words..

They Mean Nothing. So Do Promises To Your Self...

I'm simply sick of doing this.. night after night.. it terrifies me..
i do so damn well during the day.. last night i almost made it.. almost..

i can only promise to do better.. only promise.. it'll never happen.
but at least i try?

I'm not only letting down myself.. I'm letting down my Ana friends, and
well..
my health.

I was so close to getting help..
so
damn
close..