1/13/18
I.
have.
will.
dream.
aim.
slightly off-center.
breathe. hold. out through the nose.
drink, swallow.
repeat.
I think I know where I'm heading.
where I know I'm going.
where I think I know I'm going.
Where I wish I though I was going.
Where I knew to stop,
because I know,
better.
I'm scared.
I thought I knew what was ahead.
truly no one does.
I think I know what is next for me.
beyond more marks on my hips
marks on my skin
marks left in
red.
be close.
let m e b e
c l o s e.
nothing between us,
but a pe
a
co
ck
in the way?,
1/12/18
639Hz
I do not recognize the person in the mirror,
or my arms in sunlight.
even my smile.
Disconnected, raw energy.
Another opportunity to mold,
to grow.
Seems that while I attempted to keep up with studies, taking in new information and helpful tips. I didn't have a concrete plan. Something that wasn't stressed enough, how was I ment to slide back into this time line?
Their combat boots worn, a smoke hangs from their mouth.
7/23/17
Soundtrack, tape one.
Side A.
My monster is restless.
I'm happy your happy.
Rolls for perception.
But in can still feel a wall has gone up.
Have I gone too far? Said too much? Leaned too heavy?
My monster is agitated. Unstable medication processes. Listless. Unstable reasoning.
Why am I found waiting for others. Having plan B. Why not accept this present and move forward. Run.
I found this connection. Having plan B. Enjoying most of this present and working forward. Breathe.
Roll for jinx to pass. 1.
Dizzy spell, vertigo attack.
Where do I end and you begin? How far are your roots into my mental processes. How do I end you and begin me? When can I remember to breathe.
I'm happy your happy.
I'm in no state to scale walls.
HP 2.5 MP 1 LVL 25
Roll for Night Terror
Pause, play. Mute.
Heavy words mouthed, and the marks they leave.
We were intertwined. The first time I was ever asked. Gentle nudges, soft kisses. The first time I've given full consent. One step at a time, savouring the deep energy exchange. Bodies moving as breath quickened. Offering you the passion you lacked was something I craved.
I heard your ring drop to the carpet.
Our energy ignited.
The room melted.
I forgot how out of practice I am.
Pause. Made a fool of myself. Play. Was this a fire for your cold bed? Mute.
7/19/17
Drop the bass
Or a brick.
Or the words I fought to say from my crumpled shaking body. Which you wrote down, but didn't hear.
Or the words I didn't say, held tightly under band aids and close to my weak self.
I lost you.
Or did you loose me?
I found a mirror.
My face blurred, in and out of focus.
My past demons stirring.
I found something sharper than my wit.
My hand stained and shaking.
My past demons stirring.
I found something more destructive than my will to live.
My heart heavy.
My current demons thriving.
I found you.
Or did you find me?
As I was loosing myself.
As you were lost in yourself.
I found room to breathe.
7/15/17
Please,
Do not be concerned.
I am unwell.
Your worry is noted.
I am, unwell.
I am, medicated.
I am.
For now.
For now, let me rest.
For now, let me focus on breathing.
For now, I am unwell.
This feels all too familiar.
7/12/17
Remember the words that the wiseman told you
Filter free until eyes would read my words.
truth now covered in glitter.
Side effects.
Gabapentin works by affecting the
transmission of nerve signals in the brain.
The usual maximum daily dose is 2,400 mg taken in 3 equal doses of 800 mg each.Gabapentin may be taken with or without food.
Gabapentin may also be prescribed to treat restless legs syndrome (RLS), to relieve numbness and tingling related to diabetes, to prevent hot flashes, and to relieve pain that can accompany shingles (known as postherpetic neuralgia).
It is important that this medication be taken exactly as prescribed by your doctor.Do not take a double dose to make up for a missed one.
100 mg
Each hard gelatin capsule with white opaque cap and body and white-to-off-white powder fill, imprinted "APO 100", contains 100 mg of gabapentin. Nonmedicinal ingredients: magnesium stearate, sodium croscarmellose, and talc; capsule shell: edible blue ink, gelatin, silicon dioxide, sodium lauryl sulphate, and titanium dioxide.
A side effect is an unwanted response to a medication when it is taken in normal doses.
Side effects can be mild or severe, temporary or permanent.
The following side effects have been reported by at least 1% of people taking this medication.
Many of these side effects can be managed, and some may go away on their own over time.
- abnormal heartbeat or heart palpitations
abnormal thoughts - involuntary eye movements,
double vision, or other vision changes - poor coordination
- problems with your teeth or gums
- shortness of breath
- speech problems such as slurred speech; abnormal rhythm,
speed, or tone of speech; limited mouth or tongue movements; or drooling - signs of depression
(e.g., poor concentration, changes in weight,
changes in sleep, decreased interest in activities,
thoughts of suicide) - signs of infection
(symptoms may include fever or chills,
severe diarrhea, shortness of breath,
prolonged dizziness, headache,
stiff neck, weight loss, or listlessness) - symptoms of liver problems
(e.g., abdominal pain, persistent vomiting,
feeling unwell, fever, itching, yellowing
of the skin and eyes, dark urine)
- hallucinations
- signs of a serious allergic reaction
(e.g., swelling of face or throat,
hives, or difficulty breathing)
This risk may begin within a week of starting treatment.