Memories shift emotions

I could further along in the many subjects that have peaked my interest.

Japanese, sign language, baking, painting, craft, knitting, sewing, guitar, violin, voice acting, singing, dancing, drawing, writing.

I could be in a number of cities and places, in Canada or the states.

Alberta, Revelstoke, Tofino, Abbotsford, Seattle, Chilliwack, San Francisco, Michigan.

I could have graduated, on time, with my first highschool.

Not my fourth.

I could have gone to prom, with friends. Dated, gotten a job, my license, a car, a home.

Lived on track. Any track.

I could have a best friend. A group of them.

That loved me, truly.

I could have stayed.

But I fought back. I pushed and pushed and ended up alone. So many deep connections lost, because I too was lost.

I ran. It's what I'm best at.
Deflect. Ignore. Push.

There are many paths I could have taken. Many paths I now know were wrong. Many roads that led me stray, that helped me run.

In the end, I am here. A few leagues behind where I think I should be, but here none the less.

Finally making time to sit with my feelings, thoughts, memories. My flight response.

I've pushed and pushed and pushed. And it's coming back up. Time to sort through the why's, the darkness.

My past.

1 comment:

  1. Just keep in mind, it's because of your past that you have the friends you have now, who love you. Yes, there's a ton of "could have been"s, but there always will be. embrace the past as a part of who you are. And most of us think you're pretty great.